just random..

i love going to fotang..
dun stop me..
try to understand okie..
its hard on me now you know??
its not wrong to keep going fotang..
its not wrong to keep liaoyuan-ing in daochang..
i'm old enough to know whats right and whats good for me..

as i grow old, i will have to take more responsibilities..
more time, more chance to liao yuan..
lesser time for my friends, families..
even lesser time for myself..
lesser time to sleep, rest, do things i like..

i dun want to live life with regrets when i die..
i dun want to die with thing unfinished..
i dun want to come back into this 苦海 again..
i dun want to keep going through this 生老病死..
i dun want to suffer anymore..
i dun want..

i need your support..
support me okie??

i love myself :)

i find that something is not right with me this 2 weeks.. dunno how to explain.. something is missing.. something is not right.. but i dunno what's wrong..

you might think mary had disappear into thin air not really.. she's still here alive..

when i'm at home, i felt that everyone is acting in front of me.. like that know something but refuses to tell me.. its just a sense..

i feel ease when i go to fotang.. peace at mind..

i even had weird dreams at night.. about me shouting, crying while talking on the phone.. i cant remember the content but i will wake up really in tears.. sometimes when i went for my morning bathe, i find scars, blue-blacks on my hands.. where did all this come from??

ytd i packed my room, found a this "letter".. a drafted letter to my parents.. content is about me deciding to commit sucide.. and trying to say sorry for letting them down and stuffs like that.. problem is when did i wrote this letter?? it's my hand writing yar.. but how come i got no impression about it?? i also dunno.. if you know then better tell me okie.. maybe god knows.. did i really decide to commit sucide?? why will i hurt myself??

today i went back to jwss for open house.. every thing runs smoothly.. until towards the end when quite a few cadets in bb uniform said hi to me but i dun recognise them.. maybe they are trying to be friendly or i what.. but i really dunno them, so i just smiled and walked away.. things are getting weird.. i also have received sms from ppl i dunno.. dunno from where did they get my number or whatever.. am i going crazy.. having all the illusons that "ppl" are talking to me??

i'm sure something happen to me within this 3 weeks when i stopped blogging.. what happened?? why did i stopped blogging.. from where can i know what happen?? what can explain about this letter, stranger's sms, and ppl saying hello to me when i really dunno them?? if knowing the truth makes me suffer then i dun want to know the truth.. i rather not know what happen..


i love myself :)

I WOKE UP WITH A BAD HEADACHE!!
IT FELT AS PAINFUL AS WHEN I FALL DOWN WHEN I WAS A KID!!
HOW I WISH I CAN BE LIKE A KID..
WITH NO TROUBLES, NO RESPONSIBILITIES, NO BLAMES, NO LOVE, NO HATES...

NO-THING!

31/12/2007..................01/01/2008

My 2008 Resolution, Goals & Targets!

INDIVIDUAL
-Manage my time better.
-Spent more time with my family and true friends.
-Be more responsible in everything.
-Catch a M18 movie.
-Get a part-time job.
-Loss weight? Erm 50kg???
-Keep long hair??
-Find a partner? (not just a boyfriend)

STUDIES
-Get into infocomm/engineering/ nursing.
-Never skip school/class/lesson!!
-GPA of 3.5 for every term.
-Get Real Serious!!
-Be Focused.
-Get Edusave awards..

DAO CHANG
-Qing Kou.
-Camp planner.
-Never skip BXB, QingZhu, DZB, QKB.
-More enthu.
-Ren Cai Ban??
-Visit Shen Wei??
-Get closer to 'laomu' everyday.

RED CROSS
-Jwss EUA07 & CSA07 gold?
-Css FDC District Runner Up?
-Project NCOs 2008.
-Task Force.
-Senior Cadet Officer?
-LSFC?
-ULP 08?
-Linkaminia 08?
-RCY Challenge 08?
-10th batch VIP trainer??

OTHERS
-SC Marathon 21K
-Learn a sports?
-Understand myself better (: