i received mail from jiayun ma'am (Arch Angel)
wohoo!! my mortal is __________.
of course i'm not that stupid to write down who's my mortal right.. chey!!
and i will be preparing presents/gifts/letters/notes to my mortal..

i'll be a good angel!

Oh Angel!! Angel!! where are you??
Angel QX sir did great job last yr..
so i got little expections from him/her..
just maintain the standard he set last yr..
which is normally little stuff every week or 2..
of course he/she will be encourage to be better..

_______________________________________________________

look at kailun's new hairdo... damn cool hor.. the top 1 was 2 weeks ago.. the bottom 1 was 2 days ago.. super chio right.. haha..

look at them la!! faqih and fairul.. strong right.. and behind got fadhli disturbing... also got fariq acting cute (not emoing) haha.. told you my class was fun and crazy!!

go youtube type
"李聖傑 - 擦肩而過"
and you will see this music video..
damn meaningful okie!!
also go read the small small words in the video

"后来我才知道，原来她剧本里的男主角，一直是别人的名字。"
"我做了一个非常非常悲伤的梦，梦中她似乎在向我告别。”
“而我的旅程，已经结束了吗？”

“一直没有告诉你，其实我来这里，是为了要忘记他，彻底的离开他。而我知道，唯一的方法，就是结束我自己。”

“我们都只不过是受伤的灵魂，缺了角的拼图。”
“如果拥抱不能增加一点体温，当初我们又在试问什么呢？”
“我好累好累了”


他不会是个好男人.也不会是个好情人.你对我说我们只是擦肩而过.好的男人有那么多.少了他的日子也能过.我不会再让你寂寞.也不会让你更难过.你听我说要好好学着去生活.就算未来有多少错.至少还有我的问候.我的温柔陪你度过.

can you imagine when one day the clear blue sky you had turns into dark black sky?


can you imagine when the world is missing from all these colours??



can you imagine when subway cookies does not taste the same as before??

try to imagine?? and this is my world!

Term test's timetable is out..

Well.. if i yar yar and say i'm not scare of it, i must be joking la...

like what mr teo mention..

my maths sucks.. which means i will fail my themo..

my english sucks... which means i will fail CRS..

haiz!! my target was to get at least GPA 3.5

imagine i fail these modules.. gosh!!

SP had their graduation ceremony ytd..

i'm so so so afraid i cant graduate by 2010..

i wanted to further my studies..

go sailing.. be a chief engineer.. and even get a degree..

but everything seems impossible.. haiz!!

k, i wont have time for revisions..

2jun to 7jun STUDY??

8jun to 12jun going overseas for CIP..

12jun to 14jun B camp..

15jun to 18jun STUDY??

19jun to 22jun unit camp..

23jun thermodynamics test..

24jun engineering drawing test..

26jun maths test..

look at the wide smile on each and everyone's faces..

some pictures of the week..

FCUK!! i type this post for like 15 mins and WOAH!! gone!! need to retype..

my whole week was shag!! i had only 5 hours of sleep for the past 3 days.. my workload is stacking up... more than i can take.... i'm really really stressed!! who can i complain to?? i doubt anyone bother to listen..

i felt so lost today... its since the day i lost him..
-i lost not only him
-i lost a boyfriend (my darling)
-i lost a shoulder (to cry)
-i lost a ear (listening to me)
-i lost a bear bear (to hug)
-i lost a bodyguard (bringing me home)
-i lost a teacher (taught me lots)
-i lost a jokebook (makes me smile)
-i lost an entertainment (makes my day)
i can afford to loss all the above..
but i lost a super really close good friend :(

i miss the days after ndp..
-i miss the days when someone will bring me back after ndp..
-i miss the days when someone will wait outside hq..
-i miss the days when someone will buy subway cookies for me..
-i miss the days when someone will carry my stuffs for me..
-i miss the days when someone will lend me his chest for me to sleep..
-i miss the days when someone will hug me to prevent me from falling when stand-sleeping..
-i miss the days when someone will listen to my complains bout everything..
-i miss the days when someone will hold my hands as i walk half-asleep..
-i miss the days when someone will send me home to my door..
-i miss the days when someone will kiss me goodbye..
-i miss the days when someone will sms me good night..
where the hell can you find a second person like that..??
i misses his everything..
his long hands..
his hugs..
his kisses..
his care..
his concern..
his chest..
his curly hair..
his smell..
his sms..
his bad front tooth..
his smooth t-shirt..
his nagging..
his scolding..
how i wish he can scold me like he used to.. scold me shoopid/idiot.. anything..
but no more..

i HATE myself.. i forced myself to smile :] but it will only hurt myself more... i dun want to lie to myself and pretend like i'm okie!! i know i'm not fine... stay happy always.... easier said than done... if there is undo button in life i will want to go back to the past... when nothing happened between both of us... i dun want to know you.. i dun want to talk to you.. neither do i want to remember you name... cos it hurts!!

if wishes come true..
1) i want to stay happy always.. thats all.. simple...
2) if not at least i want my tears to dry up so i will not be crying anymore!!!
3) if i can have 10 seconds in his arms... ONLY 10..

well went ndp yesterday..

meet up with hongyi and lixuan...
me and hongyi bought this super super nice drink from cheers... but i forget to take picture of it... haha.. next time la...

training was pretty okie.. cadets drills were not bad la.. there was still quite alot to work on... i'm sure they will improve...

i took pretty alot of picture.. both the cadets and personal la... i love my 5megapixel phone!!

wilson sir wanted to talk to me afew times but i interupted, if not i just try to avoid him... dunno what was up on his mind... but i think he just want to show concern..
nicky sir mention that i was not that bek he knew... dunno how to reply him... i didnt say i was fine or not... just smiled and change topic..

well i'm not fine, i'm not okie, but i'm not bad..

gift from japan.. given by nicky sir.. he claim it looks like me... true.. thats me!!

another handphone accessory.. this one is from taiwan... given by hongyi sir!! smile bek :/

nothing much.. my mood was still as bad... my friends comment that my msn nick was emo.. i'm not emo.. but i'm sad...

i had bad bad day on thursday... i saw him in sp, i was at 2nd floor he was at first.. i got excited and called his name and wave at him... what was his reaction?? he gave me a look as if i was some crazy woman he doesnt know... what the fuck.. and that look was in my head til practical... which resulted in me hurting myself.... i burnt my fingers.. i was painful at that very moment.. but after like 10 secs, i dun feel that pain le... not anymore... i also dunno why... perhaps the pain he caused in my heart was really really too much... comparing to the burnt on my fingers, the burns were nothing at all...

i don't die from heart broken, but i wish io die..

from the moment she cut her hair short she is already not her... everything will never be the same again!!

ms wong mentions that i've been slimmer and slimmer everytime she sees me... thats quite true to some extend... i remember last yr april when i took my fitness test i weigh 54kg then got so well looked after, loved by that him and i gain weight until 56kg after NDP... after the broke up i lost weight... damn alot... when i stood on my new weighing machine i bought during new year i was 53... now... i feel so "great" i weigh 50... dun ask me how.. but i just dun feel like eating... no mood for everything not even my favourite chocolate... i guess if all this carry on, i will definately weigh lesser than 48 in a months time... by end of this year... god bless that i wont get any illness related to stomach or gastric...

take care all!!!

Someone asked me why i'm getting more and more emo everyday...
haha i dunno the answer..
if anyone knows the answer perhaps you can tell me??

what is love?!!
L = lake of sorrows

O= ocean of tear

V= valley of death

E= end of life

i hate smiling just to pretend i'm not hurt i hate to giggle just to show that i'm ok

i don't die from a broken heart but i only wished i did

Ina - i wanted you

repeating this song since yesterday ):

Lately I've been thinking about what I can do
I've been stressing to fall back in love with you
I'm so sorry that I couldn't follow through
But I can't go on this way. I've got to stop it babe
You've been wonderful in all that you can be
But it hurts when you say that you understand me
So believe me. I, I am sorry, I, I am sorry, I, I

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

I've been pushing hard to open up the door
Trying to take us back to where we were before
But I'm done. I just can't do this anymore
'Cuz we can't be mended, so let's stop pretending now
We've been walking around in circles for some time
And I think we should head for the finish line
So believe me. I, I am sorry, I, I am sorry, I, I

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

I, I.. I'm so sorry baby
But I, I.. I gotta pack up and leave
But I, I'll always remember how we came close..
to being how I wanted to be
I wanted you baby
I wanted you

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

爱情测试

如果今生和他无缘相守，就只怪你和他前世只修到了萍水相逢的缘数。不管爱情曾经怎样的火热，你们终究是爱错了时间，有缘无份的两个人。所以不管两人曾经下怎样大的决心要在一起，还是摆脱不了轮回的定数，最终只能将他淡忘在今生。

CHOCOLATE CANT MAKE ME HAPPY!!!
I AM STILL SAD ):
WHAT CAN CHEER ME UP?
WHO CAN CHEER ME UP?

1 week flies so quickly

TUESDAY.
basicthermo practical lesson... went to the "steaming" room.. the huge machine was really scary la.. the whole room was warm i should say... it was not a good day.. :(
HUGE machines behind faqih.. scary right..
ship model..
the scenary outside my window during CRS lesson...


WEDNESDAY.
well school ends early.. like i mention.. this is shy kailun.. but he prefered us calling him khairul... yeah... had subway for lunch... and COOKIES!!!


THURSDAY.
most shag day.. went poly marina.. wore same pants as khairul la.. guys we did it on purpose... cool what... haha.. then got workshop... wielding makes me sick.. had difficulty breathing so keep take breaks.... gosh!!! and my eyes got irritated too... cos of the goggles...
KaiLun new hairdo!! STYLE right!!
knots i learn..
Qoo that me,fareez,porkee took during break...
me in the mickey mouse goggle...
mary doing serious work!!
the 2 ppl who wore same tee shirt with skinny jeans (:
malays of class 1b22... but why am i included?? haha...


FRIDAY.
lesson was boring without fareez, porkee, kailun la... haha... fareez was emo la... yet he was being bullied by me... poor him... dun emo le lah... cheer up k..
told you fareez was sad... even his eraser shield shows...
cheer up k... borrow you my "weapon" crystal T square...

i just cant stand this 1 person from my class... really really i just cant stand this person.. never felt so irritated before.. GOSH!!! hey stop being childish k... stop pretending and acting.. know your limit!! irritate me again you will get it from me okie... F***OFF!!!

k as usual... wednesday is short day... school ends at 12 only!! yeah... obviously i wont want to stay at home... i went to buy SKINNY!! haha.. with kailun and "GANG" includes fareez and supposed to have PORKEE but he "bangseh" us.. what crap!! haha.. tml we are going to wear the same colour de skinny to school... haha.. dun care i sure will drag kailun for a picture though he doesnt like taking picture... too bad... haha...

i hate thursday... shag day la.. on top of that still got camp commitee meeting... and i'm going fir blood donation tml... wish me luck... and hope i wont feel unwell... if not i cant go for meeting le...

though i'm still feeling sad.. but i felt comfortable within me cos i saw all westies yesterday in shing hwee ma'am de birthday chalet... i met bettina, mildred, esther, qingxiang, alvin, baoyu, EXCEPT HONGYI...

well i got nothing much more.. i'm still sad.. kiddo cheer me up??

Public Holiday!!
went to grandma house in the morning... had lunch at this veggie restaurant... didnt take photo of our food cos this camera woman was simply too hungry!! anyway me and annie had veggie chicken rice... dad, mum, jess, jim had "niang tofu" ate super full cos the food was super nice!!! then went up grandma house sit sit.. we watched "ah long" DVD.. haha.. then had dessert - honeydew sago... super nice la.. cant help but finished the whole big bowl... then went queensway shopping centre.. i bought 1 bright blue FBT (which i'm wearing now) and another black diadora short (similar to FBT) and a sleeveless yellow running vest.. cool? within 15mins i spent 30 bucks...
then head to meet westies.. expecting all 7 westies to attend... but only 3 appear... :( (I PROMISE I WILL NEVER ORGANISE SUCH OUTING EVER AGAIN!!) we went to IMM to buy shinghwee ma'am de birthday present.. what qx+at+mb bought?? cant tell yet.. saturday you will know.. took alot of time choosing.. i know she will like de.. then had dinner that cost me 10 bucks!! shucks!! after dinner we went to science centre de macdonald talk talk.. then went to this coffeeshop talk talk while junwei & qingxiang had there "second round" fried oyster without oyster.. haha.. then go popular buy my super big set square... home!!


Qx and junwei de "hotplate chicken"



my veggie and mushroon rice..



crazy school day!!
today had 5 hours lesson on engineering drawing.. you must be thing kao.. so sian.. but not true... i had lots of fun taking photos with "GIN NAR" and "KIDDO"

my 3rd engineering drawing assignment..


this is "GIN NA" and me


this is "KIDDO" (in my jacket) and me..


"KING KONG" bullying "GIN NA" and " GIN NA" taking revenge (KILL HIM)!!!


JY hardworking seh... he pretend de.. actually he posted for this picture!!

SOMEDAY YOU'LL CRY FOR ME

LIKE I CRIED FOR YOU

SOMEDAY YOU'LL MISS ME

LIKE I MISSED YOU

SOMEDAY YOU'LL NEED ME

LIKE I NEEDED YOU

SOMEDAY YOU'LL LOVE ME

BUT I WONT LOVE YOU