i find that something is not right with me this 2 weeks.. dunno how to explain.. something is missing.. something is not right.. but i dunno what's wrong..

you might think mary had disappear into thin air not really.. she's still here alive..

when i'm at home, i felt that everyone is acting in front of me.. like that know something but refuses to tell me.. its just a sense..

i feel ease when i go to fotang.. peace at mind..

i even had weird dreams at night.. about me shouting, crying while talking on the phone.. i cant remember the content but i will wake up really in tears.. sometimes when i went for my morning bathe, i find scars, blue-blacks on my hands.. where did all this come from??

ytd i packed my room, found a this "letter".. a drafted letter to my parents.. content is about me deciding to commit sucide.. and trying to say sorry for letting them down and stuffs like that.. problem is when did i wrote this letter?? it's my hand writing yar.. but how come i got no impression about it?? i also dunno.. if you know then better tell me okie.. maybe god knows.. did i really decide to commit sucide?? why will i hurt myself??

today i went back to jwss for open house.. every thing runs smoothly.. until towards the end when quite a few cadets in bb uniform said hi to me but i dun recognise them.. maybe they are trying to be friendly or i what.. but i really dunno them, so i just smiled and walked away.. things are getting weird.. i also have received sms from ppl i dunno.. dunno from where did they get my number or whatever.. am i going crazy.. having all the illusons that "ppl" are talking to me??

i'm sure something happen to me within this 3 weeks when i stopped blogging.. what happened?? why did i stopped blogging.. from where can i know what happen?? what can explain about this letter, stranger's sms, and ppl saying hello to me when i really dunno them?? if knowing the truth makes me suffer then i dun want to know the truth.. i rather not know what happen..


i love myself :)